


Oceans

by Recyclops



Category: Pearl Jam, Soundgarden (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 21:11:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13221342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recyclops/pseuds/Recyclops
Summary: Eddie stresses himself out trying to hide his feelings for Chris.





	1. Chapter 1

**February 11**  
  
_There’s no way in hell that he likes me back. No way. He’s not into men. He’s probably seeing that girl he told me about a few weeks ago. Was it Candice? Cathy? Cassidy? Whatever the hell her name is, he--_  
  
“You alright, Eddie?” Chris’ voice startled me out of my thoughts.  
  
“W-what? Oh, y-yeah. I’m fine. Why?”  
  
“You seem as though something’s bothering you.”  
  
“I’m alright, Chris,” I lied, forcing out a small laugh. “Really, I’m fine.”  
  
We were at his place watching whatever movie he had on. Well, he was watching it while I sat beside him, spacing out, and in a completely different world. A world I kept telling myself would never exist.  
  
_He’s going to reject me, I know it. He probably has a girlfriend. I think I saw him with her once. She’s real pretty. Too pretty for him to dump for some stupid dweeb like--_  
  
“Eddie…”  
  
_I’m not worth it, anyway. Even if he was gay, he wouldn’t fall for--_  
  
“Eddie?”  
  
_He’s so beautiful. He’s fucking perfect. He could have anyone he wants. But not me. Why would he ever pick someone like--_  
  
“Eddie!”  
  
I inhaled sharply and turned to Chris, who had a worried look on his face.  
  
“Why’d you do that?” I moved so I sat up straight. “I thought my heart was gonna jump out of my chest because of you.”  
  
“Sorry. But I can’t help but think something’s wrong.”  
  
I sighed. “Chris. I’m telling you. I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong.”  
  
“If you say so,” he turned towards the TV as the credits were rolling.  
  
After a few minutes of him channel surfing, he broke the silence between us.  
  
“You know, if there ever is anything wrong,” he turned and looked into my eyes, “You can always tell me.”  
  
_Oh, god, he’s looking at me. He’s looking right into my eyes. Holy shit. Oh my god, those eyes. Those gorgeous, blue eyes. They’re like a-- a beautiful spring sky? No, that sounds cliche... Or... a crystal-clear ocean? Damn, that sounds cliche too. But his eyes… I could get lost in them forever. Oh, if only he could look at me like this forever. God, that would be--_  
  
“Eddie,” he called my name again, sounding stern and annoyed.  
  
“I’m sorry,” I slightly smiled, “Just… got lost in my thoughts again.”  
  
“I can tell,” he turned away and went back to flipping through channels, “I meant what I said though. If there’s anything wrong, I want you to tell me.”  
  
I nodded, “I know, and thank you, Chris.”  
  
“You don’t have to thank me for being your friend,” he looked at me again and smiled.  
  
I felt my face get hot after he said that. Being friends with him for years, I rarely heard him call me his friend. But when he did, I’d always try to hide my smile, blushing face. I guess it was the feeling of being liked and wanted by someone that caused it. But what I really wanted was for Chris to want me in the same way I wanted him.


	2. Chapter 2

**February 12**  
  
I couldn’t stop thinking about the previous day. It was awkward how I kept spacing out, not paying attention to Chris unless he shouted for my attention. He kept asking if something was bothering me. He cared, and wanted to know, but I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to lie to him, but the risk of telling him didn’t seem worth it. What would he say? How would he feel about it? How would he feel about me? What if he found me unattractive?  
  
 _What_  if  _he found me unattractive?_  
  
I couldn’t bear to think about that. I didn’t want to experience being rejected, much less think about it.   
  
 _But it could happen. It probably will. He has a girlfriend now. He doesn’t want me._  
  
I started to feel choked up by that last thought. I wasn’t ready for his reaction, whatever it would be, and I especially wasn’t ready for him to turn me down.   
  
Then the phone started ringing. Having no clue as to who would have a reason to call me at 1 AM and ignoring the fact that I was on the verge of tears, I made the mistake of answering the phone.  
  
“Hey, Eddie.”  
  
Damn it. It was Chris.  
  
 _Say “hello.” Speak you idiot. Stop breathing so heavily and speak._  
  
“Eddie?” I could hear the same tone of worry and concern I heard the day before. “Are you alright?”  
  
I couldn’t hold back the tears. I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing. Now Chris was certainly aware that I wasn’t alright if he didn’t know already. I wasn’t fine. There was something wrong, and I had no choice then but to tell him how I felt. I avoided that for too long, and telling him “I’m fine” and “nothing’s wrong” wasn’t going to work anymore.  
  
I hung up the phone, got in bed, and swiftly fell into a dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**February 13 (Part 1)**  
  
When I awoke, I felt someone’s arm around me. I got out of bed in a panic, only to discover that it was Chris who was in bed with me. I wasn’t sure how or when he got into my house, but I didn’t want to wake him up just to find out. Besides, I didn’t mind it at all. He looked just as adorable and angelic in his sleep as he did awake.  
  
He rolled over and muttered something before opening his eyes, frantically looking around the room until he noticed me.  
  
“Did you sleep well?”  
  
“Yeah, I slept alright,” he said before yawning.  
  
Before I could say anything, he spoke again.  
  
“So… so what happened last night?”  
  
I didn’t entirely remember what happened last night, except for him calling me, and me crying on the--  
  
“Oh, no…” I mumbled as I started to recall the night before.  
  
“Eddie,” Chris came up to me, “I got so worried about you last night, I had to come see you.”  
  
“Chris, you didn’t have to do that, but I really appreciate it. And I feel fine now, so…”  
  
“Look, you’ve been saying that for days. I’m no fool, Eddie. I know something’s wrong. I just… I just didn’t want to pressure you or anything.”  
  
At that point, I knew I had to tell him. I hid it from him for long enough, and the more I hid it and told him everything was fine, the more he grew concerned. I was still afraid of what his reaction would be, but I wanted to put his mind at ease.  
  
“Eddie, what the hell is going on?”  
  
His face got closer to mine, but not to close. I tried my best to avoid eye contact, but the second I looked into his beautiful, blue eyes, I softly spoke the words I thought I’d never say to anyone, much less him.  
  
“I love you, Chris.”


	4. Chapter 4

**February 13 (Part 2)**  
  
“Say that again?”  
  
 _It’s like he’s making this harder for me on purpose…_  
  
“I-- I love you, Chris. I love you so much.”  
  
He slowly smiled as he blushed. “I… never thought you’d say those words to me.”  
  
“I could say the same about you. I mean...” I couldn’t believe it. Did Chris have feelings for me too? “So-- So does that mean you--?”  
  
“I love you too,” a smile curled his lips.  
  
My heart pounded hard with joy. This was too good to be true. He actually loved me back. And to think I was losing my mind over my crush on him and being so hard on myself.  
  
“So…” he scratched his head, his eyes darting around the room, “Now what?”  
  
“I guess we do things couples usually do now, right?”  
  
  
 **February 14**  
  
Chris and I didn’t plan anything special for Valentine’s Day. We decided it would be just fine hanging out at my place for the day.  
  
Yet when I opened the door to let him in, he surprised me with flowers, chocolate, and wine.  
  
“Chris!” I felt my cheeks getting hot as I smiled. “You said nothing special!”  
  
“I know, I know, but I love you too much to not at least get you some things. Even if they are kind of cliche.”  
  
“No it’s not. It’s really sweet of you to get me these, and I really appreciate it, so thank you,” I kissed his cheek as I let him in.  
  
We spent the first few hours sitting on the couch, listening to music, talking, and drinking wine together. It was beyond anything I could dream of doing or wanting. The love of my life was mine at last. As long as I had him, I didn’t want anything or anyone else.   
  
It was perfect. He was perfect. I couldn’t get over how his dark, long curls fell past his shoulders, and how his full, wine-stained lips looked so kissable right then and there. The way his ice blue eyes lit up when he talked about the things that interested him most, like movies, literature, and especially music.  
  
 _Wait a minute… his ice blue eyes…_  
  
“Ice blue eyes…”   
  
Chris briefly stopped mid-sentence as he heard me.  
  
“What was that?”  
  
“Your eyes,” I said as I looked up at him. “Your eyes are blue like ice. As clear as crystals. They’re-- they’re mesmerizing. They’re fucking beautiful.”  
  
He chuckled and finished the bit of wine left in his glass, “Thank you, but, you’re the only beautiful thing here.”  
  
Before I could respond, Chris leaned in and kissed me. I eagerly kissed him back, tasting the wine on his soft lips. As our kiss deepened, he pulled my body against his, to which I could feel his erection against mine. Things were moving so quickly between us, which would have been something I’d try to prevent if it wasn’t for the numerous glasses of wine he and I had. However, I was with Chris, so I didn’t mind it that much.  
  
He must’ve read my mind then, because he stopped kissing me.  
  
“Are you alright with this?”  
  
When I nodded, we continued kissing briefly before I pulled away.  
  
“But… let’s do this in a more comfortable area.”  
  
A smile crept across his lips as I took him by the hand and led him upstairs to my bedroom. We removed each other’s clothes as we continued to kiss before I pushed him onto the bed. I climbed on top of him, slowly kissing and sucking on his neck, making him moan softly. I moved a hand down his body to his length, and he let out small grunt, begging me to touch it more. As I stroked him unhurriedly, he made more sounds of pleasure with that low, sexy voice of his.  
  
I only had a small amount of experience, yet I eagerly took him into my mouth, my lips wrapped around him as I moved up and down. Somehow, somewhere, I got enough confidence to take him in deeper, his member sliding against my tongue and into my throat. One of his hands lightly tugged at my hair as he forced me to go faster until there was suddenly a creamy fluid entering my mouth and throat.  
  
I nervously swallowed, because I couldn’t spit, as I tried to understand what just happened then.  
  
“Oh shit,” he sat up, his hands on my shoulders, “I should’ve asked. I’m so sorry.”  
  
“It-- it’s fine Chris. It’s not that, it’s just…”  
  
It took a few seconds for him to realize that I wasn’t all that experienced, hence why I had to stop like that when he came.  
  
“Should I… go easy on you?” he asked.  
  
“No, I think I’ll be fine.” I got off the bed to get a condom and lubricant from my dresser. “I think I can handle it.”  
  
I lied down on my back and stared up at the ceiling. It was all happening much faster than I thought. We were aware of our attraction to each other for only about a day, and we were already about to have sex. While it wasn’t a complaint in the slightest, I blamed it on the wine.  
  
My thoughts were interrupted just then by Chris kissing me on the lips. I kissed him back, moaning into his mouth, and nearly screamed when he started entering me. It felt larger than it did in my mouth, and it hurt. I bit my lip and my hands tightly grasped at the sheets as I tried my best not to shout.  
  
“If it hurts, we can stop if you want,” he stopped and looked at me with concern.  
  
I shook my head. I wanted him to keep going. I wanted to please him, even if I was in harrowing pain.  
  
“Then you should try to relax, alright Eddie?”  
  
I took deep breaths and tried to relax my body as much as I could, trying to get used to the combination of the stinging pain and pleasure as he entered me completely. He continued to move until he found a slow, steady rhythm, causing me to let out small whines and moans because I didn’t want to be too loud. But he caught me by surprise when he slowly moved out, and slammed into me, hitting a spot that felt so wonderful it made me scream.  
  
“Fuck, make that noise again for me,” he groaned before he pulled out and slammed into me again, to which I screamed once more.  
  
I shouted his name each time he thrust into me, the headboard of the bed slamming against the wall each time. Just as I felt myself getting close, he took my length into his hand and stroked it.  
  
His thrusting and stroking picked up speed, and I shouted his name one last time as I came all over his hand and my stomach. When he pulled out and removed his condom, I got on my knees before him and took him into my mouth again. As I looked up at him, his body was slick with sweat, his long hair clinging to his beautifully toned body. He ran a hand through my hair and groaned as he came inside my mouth. After I swallowed, I gave his member a few final licks before he pulled me up and kissed me, moving his tongue around inside my mouth. When we finished, we were both exhausted.  
  
“Chris, didn’t you have a girlfriend before me?” I managed to ask between breaths.  
  
He looked puzzled, “Huh? I’ve been single all month.”  
  
“I thought you were seeing someone. Like… a girl.”  
  
“Oh, yeah, Charlotte. It didn’t really work out. Besides, I love you. Really isn’t much to it except that.”  
  
“I love you too, Chris,” I got off the bed and headed toward the bathroom. “Now, I’m gonna go take a shower, if you don’t mind.”  
  
“Not without me, you will,” he followed me to the bathroom, pulling me towards him for a kiss as he slammed the door shut.


End file.
